Adult toys are no longer taboo. They’ve found a place in bedrooms, in solo rituals, and even in open conversations between couples. But one question lingers — who uses them more: men or women?
Let’s cut the guesswork. The numbers are revealing, but the reasons behind them matter even more. As a sex-positive relationship coach who has worked with hundreds of individuals and couples, I’ve seen how pleasure tools can open doors to confidence, self-awareness, and deeper intimacy. But the motivations, hesitations, and habits vary depending on gender.
Key Highlights:
- More women use adult toys regularly than men.
- Men tend to explore toys with visual or penetration-focused appeal.
- Women prefer toys that stimulate internally and externally with control.
- Social stigma affects male use more than female.
- Couple dynamics strongly influence usage patterns.
- Toys boost confidence, but motivation depends on emotional openness.
- Shame and secrecy still block men more than women.
Who Buys and Uses Toys More Often?
Let’s start with data. Multiple surveys show that women report using adult toys more frequently and more consistently than men. That may surprise some people, but it’s true.
Why? Because women are more likely to seek tools that help them learn about their own pleasure. They’re also more open to using toys as part of wellness and self-care routines. The narrative around female empowerment has created space for this type of exploration.
Men still use toys, of course. But they don’t talk about it as openly. Some are unsure of how they’ll be perceived. Others are afraid to admit they want more stimulation or support.
That silence keeps many from exploring fully. And that gap is not because of desire—it’s about perception and comfort.
What Drives Women to Use Toys?
Women are more likely to turn to toys for self-exploration, relaxation, and enhanced pleasure during both solo time and partnered sex. The focus tends to fall on emotional connection, body awareness, and control.
Women often choose toys that:
- Allow for slow buildup and intensity adjustment.
- Combine internal and external stimulation.
- Fit into routines that are about more than sex — self-love, empowerment, and body trust.
Many women feel more sexually satisfied after introducing toys, not less. And contrary to what some fear, toys rarely replace partners. They simply help a woman access more layers of her arousal and desire.
What Motivates Men to Use Toys?
Men use adult toys, but their reasons usually revolve around physical pleasure, novelty, and release. For many, there’s a curiosity attached — trying a new kind of sensation, or pushing past usual habits.
They gravitate toward devices that mimic oral sex, anal stimulation, or penetration. The use is more visual and performance-driven.
But here’s where things get complicated. A lot of men still feel ashamed for wanting to use toys. Some fear it makes them look inadequate. Others think they should only rely on their own hands, or worse, that using a toy makes them seem less masculine.
None of that is true. But perception can be a powerful block.
For men who do take the leap, options like strokers, rings, or penis sleeves help introduce new sensations without pressure or judgment.
Social Pressures and Gender Norms
Let’s talk honestly. Women have had their own battles with shame and taboo. But in today’s culture, women are finally being told it’s okay—even encouraged—to explore.
Men haven’t had that same cultural permission.
They’re taught to be self-reliant, always ready, always performing. Toys don’t fit that image. So they hesitate. They stay quiet.
That silence robs them of sexual growth and intimacy. Many suffer in silence, thinking their desire for toys makes them weak or broken. I’ve worked with dozens of men who felt embarrassed walking into a sex shop or ordering online.
The truth? Every man deserves full-body pleasure. Every man deserves tools that meet his needs with care and without shame.
How Toys Affect Couples Differently by Gender
When couples explore toys together, gender habits become clearer.
Women are more likely to initiate conversations about toys. They suggest using them to spice things up, reconnect, or bring in something new. Men often say yes—but rarely lead.
Once toys enter the relationship, though, both partners usually benefit. Communication deepens. Boundaries shift. New desires surface.
Toys help couples:
- Break patterns that feel routine.
- Increase foreplay and stimulation time.
- Open conversations about unmet needs.
Still, if the male partner has unspoken shame about using toys solo, it can bleed into the relationship. That resistance slows growth and keeps both partners unsatisfied.
Emotional Blocks: What’s Holding Men Back?
Let’s stop sugarcoating. Shame and pride are the two biggest blockers for men.
They want pleasure. They want to feel more. But they’re told they should always be enough without help. That’s toxic. And it creates a cycle of disappointment and pressure.
Some think if their partner finds out, it’ll spark insecurity or tension. Others think using toys will make them addicted or dependent.
None of those fears reflect reality. Toys aren’t replacements. They’re tools. The issue isn’t the object—it’s how the man sees himself in relation to it.
I’ve coached men through this exact struggle. The ones who push past the shame report more confidence, more stamina, and more connection—both with themselves and with their partners.
Are Women Really More Comfortable with Toys?
Yes, they are. But it didn’t happen overnight.
Women fought hard for the right to pleasure. For decades, their needs were dismissed or misunderstood. That’s why so many now embrace toys—they’re claiming space they were once denied.
Still, it’s not perfect. Some women carry religious or cultural guilt. Others think using toys means they’re broken or “too much.”
But the tide has turned. Female-focused toy brands, wellness influencers, and therapists have normalized female pleasure. Women are building communities that encourage exploration and reject shame.
Men need the same shift.
What Needs to Change for Men?
Men need language. They need safe spaces. They need new stories.
Toy use doesn’t mean dysfunction. It doesn’t mean addiction. It means self-awareness and intention.
If we want men to explore their full sexual range, we have to give them the same permission women fought for. And we have to remove the toxic ideas about what “real men” do.
Every man should know that trying a toy isn’t a betrayal of masculinity—it’s a claim to deeper pleasure.
Final Thoughts
Men and women both benefit from adult toys. But usage patterns reflect deeper gender dynamics.
- Women lead in regular, intentional use.
- Men lag behind due to shame and lack of open dialogue.
- Couples thrive when both partners accept toys as part of shared intimacy.
It’s not about who uses them more—it’s about who feels free to explore. And right now, women have more freedom. But that can change.
Sexual growth starts with honest permission. So if you’re a man who’s curious—try. If you’re a woman with a partner who hesitates—talk. No pressure. No shame. Just connection and clarity.
And if you’re ready to explore, make it about you. Not judgment. Not performance. Just pleasure that belongs to you.
